Why are Relationships so complicated...

[matt13346]

Okay so...as many of you know...I recently started my freshmen year at College. I actually go to my community college which is like a 15 min. drive from my house, where I major in Criminal Justice, but that's enough about that.

I've been going out, with who use to be my Gf a couple of month's before school started. We use to hang out like every night over my place or hers, since she lives right next door. We gone out a numerous amount of times, it being the beach or the movies.

So before school actually starts...I have Fred/Cinos, Jeremy/ChaosEdge, Edison/Silver and Israel/ShinobiWanKanobi (Or w/e his RAMV name is XD) over to hang out before school starts, in which we won't be able to hang out as much. I tell my gf, Nikki, about my plans and she seems okay with it.

So after hanging out and such, everyone's home getting ready for school, I hang out with her. We go to the movies and I talk to her about my college plans. I pretty much told her that I really like her and I want to keep our relation strong, but we may not see each other as much since I'll be going to school (Which is Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday). After school starts, what I say seems to come true, as we see each other less often.

Now I'm pretty sure some of you are saying "WTF Matt, you should have no problem seeing her, she's your Neighbor." Let me explain....School has been a bit TOO overwhelming for me (a lot more that I was expecting) and my life pretty much consist of: School, Work, Homework, Sleep.

Let me explain more. When I get home from school, I instantly got to shoot to work. After work, I try to get as much HW done as possible. When my HW is done, I'm so exhausted that I hit my bed and just fall asleep, just for me to repeat the pattern the next day at 8am in the morning. I mean...I haven't shaved in a month...

I tried to explain to her that that's the reason in why I haven't talked to her as much as often. So I invite her over today (9/11/08-Thursday) to talk and hang out. She pretty tells me that it's all my fault on why this relationship is going nowhere, that I got to step it up, and that I'm being greedy (Which my sister also agrees on). I tell her my story then she tells me one of her own. She tells me that she went out with some other dude because I wasn't "stepping up to the plate" and she pretty much buries the hatchet with me shortly after.

Now don't let this give you the wrong idea. She is a very sweet girl, and she told me that her time spent with that guy was a mistake and she highly regrets it, but either way...that still hurt me.

I mean....I've been trying to do stuff...but school is my top priority right not and I told her that before school even started and she still expects so much from me. I just don't get it...all my past gf's never given me this problem and what she said just keeps getting to me. And the fact that she pretty much cheated on me just keeps upsetting me and she keeps saying that I gave up on us before anything happened and she just...keeps blaming me....

I mean...this is the first time I ever got dropped by the girl....it's also the first time I've been blamed for every bad aspect of the relationship, that I have nothing to "offer."

I know she was trying to "strengthen" the relation...but she said so much in such a hurtful way, blamed everything on me, then dropped me...I don't know what to do anymore...I really don't.

[AGF-Antoine]

Well, I would tell her the hard truth if it were me.

I mean like, you told her you were gonna be busy with school and try to make time for her on the days off. She should stop being a Paris Hilton and not only think about her selfish self. And that your sister agrees is even worse, since she should see how busy you are even better. On top of that, she also dated another guy because you were trying to follow an education.

I would just tell her about those critical points and hope she sees that she also has flaws. I must tell you, I am a different person then you since I can drop people like a brick if they annoy me. I know you are a way more nice person in that department. So don't follow my advice if you don't feel like it the good way.

I hope I helped you at least a bit,


Antoine

[LanEvoXRacer]

Sorry Matt, let me tell you in advance, i can't answer your question: "Why are relationships so complicated?"

Matt, as a buddy, i suggest you to step down this relationship for now. You are right, school is very important, it's actually top priority. You busy enough, you can't possibly keep a relationship at this rate. You should step down, and ask for a break. If i know you Matt, you got another girl at the corner. Simply take a break and go with the flow is all i have to say. Take it easy Matt, school just started, play smart.

[SILVEI2]

that's what you get when you cheat on girls

1 relationship + 1 another relationship does NOT = 2 happy relationship

it = to 0 relationship

and you know whats funny....you broke up with mary because you two didn't do enough and NOW Nikki broke up with you because you didn't do enough with her......LOL NOW THAT'S FUNNY...jk dood

i don't know dood.... i think you were better off with Mary. atless she had the guts to tell you that she liked you and not tell here brother to tell you

[ChaosEdge]

Oh wow dude....serious problems now...

Well from what you said obviously things aren't working out so far...I think you need to have one long talk with her dude...Tell her what I told you before "I'm not putting you second you just have to realize I have to do all this work in order to pursue my career."

if she can't understand that Matt then I'm sorry but I think you should just drop her/kick her to the curb...cause she is just demanding a little to much from you now. I know you really like her I know....but if she keeps getting on you about this then that is a serious problem.

This isn't your fault dude....Since she cheated on you that's even worse dude. Like I said if she can't understand/realize this move on dude....there are other women out there...one's that will understand your predicament and understand you can't be together every waking second. If you can work things out then great...and if anything tell her she's being selfish and not thinking about you....

Tell her it's not always about her...ya know it's your life and she doesn't have control over it...

I can't believe Nikki did that to you man...And just cause your sister agreed with her doesn't make her right....I don't know why she would agree with that (I guess girls try to support each other...or maybe she doesn't know the whole story or it's stress from Police Academy I don't know)....This isn't your fault...your taking your work seriously because you want to achieve what you want...you didn't do anything wrong by telling her that and concentrating on your work....and every now and then you can hang out with her like you did yesterday....I'm not trying to say shes a bad person...you always tell me how shes nice and what not (and I'm gonna be blunt now) but because shes such a straight Virgin and hasn't been in a serious relationship before she doesn't understand it when you say you have to concentrate on your work more. Make her understand dude....tell her she isn't second...it may sound cheesy but...if all else fails declare your love for her dude...tell her how much you care about her and your trying to balance this all out but you really have to concentrate on work...

If you ever got a problem dude you have my number and you can call and talk about it like last time....

[matt13346]

[KingForte]

[Lexica-chan]

[matt13346]

[LanEvoXRacer]

[Lexica-chan]

[ChaosEdge]

[Flying Nostril]

Matt,

I think I may have somewhat of a different perspective, here. You see, I am actually engaged to be married right now. So, I see the more serious side of dating, in that it basically it is the primary way to find someone to marry.

This girl needs to realize that right now she is not as important as your schooling and work. That is as it should be, since you are only 18, and the study and work habits you form now will make or break your college experience. If you do well, you will become an excellent student. You seem to be very determined to do well, and that is something that many guys your age lack. You need to make sure that you don't lose your drive to succeed at your schooling.

She needs to cut you some slack, return your calls and texts, and maybe be a little more proactive. Maybe she should call you, when you have a break. And she can't expect you to drop everything to talk to her on the phone for 2 hours.

For your part, as you come to know your schedule better I am sure you will see opportunities to make time for her, or any girl you wish to pursue. you should probably be making more of an effort to see or talk to her, too.

Is she also in college? High school? or just working? She may simply be unable to understand your predicament.

It sounds to me as if you need to take an hour or two and really talk to her, in person, and have a DTR (determine the relationship). From what is sounds like you did this before school started, but you need to do it again. That is, if you intend to continue dating her.

In order to make any serious relationship progress beyond the friend stuff and minor physical intimacy, you both have to try pretty hard. Otherwise, you end up with too much of one and not enough of the other, or you just drift apart.

I wish you luck, and also want to let you know that eventually girls are worth it all. . . . . if you manage to land the right one. . . . heh.

[matt13346]

[DarkShadowSoul]